Confession: I’m a designer that struggles with empathy

But, I wonder if that struggle helps me

I’ve taken StrengthFinders a few times, and Empathy has never made my Top 10. Actually, to be more accurate, it’s in my bottom 10 😅

Empathy described:

You can sense the emotions of those around you. You can feel what they are feeling as though their feelings are your own. Intuitively, you are able to see the world through their eyes and share their perspective.

I am more than willing to give you my shoulder to cry on, but I simply don’t internalize those feelings myself. But, it was concerning. After all — aren’t designers good at what they do primarily because they are empathetic? We have empathy maps, it’s the name of the first stage of user-centered design, every other design talk is about how you must empathize –how can you possibly design something well if you can’t empathize with your audience? So, I reflected on a past project and how I still came up with what I hope was a decent solution.

My department was making a switch to not allow staff to forward their work email to their personal email addresses and encouraging them to use their work email address going forward.

I didn’t know why I had been brought in, because honestly — it seemed a little crazy that we hadn’t done this years ago. I assumed that would mean a blurb in our organization wide communication, and supervisors would enforce it.

No, they wanted a whole section on our staff site about it.

And to be totally honest, I sat in front of a blank wireframe because for the life of me, I couldn’t wrap my head around how someone could keep using their personal email address for work. It just didn’t compute. You work for an organization, therefore, you use your work email. If you went to work for any other organization, you wouldn’t even be having this discussion.

I couldn’t intuit what was going on and share their perspective. As a person who regularly works on experiences far different from mine, I’m learning more and more that unless you have actually been through something, you can’t truly feel what someone else is feeling. I love how, Devon Price in “Empathy is Overrated” puts it:

[Empathy is] an emotional simulation of what you believe another person might be feeling. These simulated emotions can be intense and compelling, but that doesn’t mean they are correct[…]

So what does empathy look like for me?

Saying I have no idea

With the people who didn’t want to use their email, I had no idea, and I wasn’t going to pretend to guess.

Learning how to take someone else’s perspective

The article I linked to above has much more, but I’ll pull out a great summary paragraph.

Perspective-taking is distinct from empathy in many ways. For one, perspective-taking is a skill that anyone can practice. You don’t have to be naturally good at it. Perspective-taking involves thinking carefully about a person’s life and critically analyzing how they think, and we can update or refine our understanding as new information comes in. It’s not an instinct; it’s a behavior you can choose to take.

So, for the email shenanigans (yes, at the time that’s what I called it), I found a few people who had heard about the change and were struggling with it and asked them what was going on.

“The people I email are friends and family, my donors. And I’m concerned about what could happen; it may feel impersonal when I’m not using my personal email.”

“The students I serve can be wary of ‘organization’ and I want them to feel like they’re talking to me. What if they think InterVarsity reads my email?”

While I couldn’t intuit their perspective, and it was still a little mind boggling to me, I could listen.

Final Design

After hearing from them, I got the section on the website listing the benefits for staff finished, but I also wrote up an email template for them to explain to their partners and students the change and why it was good for them too.

I see so many, designers and non-designers, forging ahead without actually talking to people that they’re trying to serve. They make guesses at what people are feeling and experiencing instead of actually finding out, and calling the guesses empathy.

I may not be able to intuit pain points, or even feel it in myself, but I can seek stories out, listen and believe them. I may not be the most empathetic designer, but I believe I can still be a thoughtful designer.

Empathy maps, service maps, personas, stories, all this diagramming, all it does is illuminate, visualize and communicate what is being experienced.

If I could ratchet up my empathy skills, I would, but perhaps it’s not the worst thing —I still make and have assumptions but I’ve learned they tend to be wrong and that it’s vital that I hear stories.

Did this help you?

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Ashley Crutcher is the Director of Experience Strategy at InterVarsity located in Madison, WI. She tweets at @ashleyspixels and enjoys cuddling with her furkiddos, crocheting/knitting, ringing handbells, and thinking too much about everything.